Forced Hiatus

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I have been forced to go on hiatus (or hibernation, really) for the past couple of weeks because of a flare-up of fatigue. It’s times like these when I wonder whether or not I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, whether instead of FMS or along with it. I often consider this muscle-withering, spirit-sapping, energy-eradicating, and brain-muffling fatigue to be much worse and more difficult to deal with than the pain. At least with the pain, I have a chance to work through it or maybe only experience a flare in one body part. But with fatigue, my whole body is encased in and weighed down by exhaustion. And depression and lowered self-worth soon follow. They say that misery loves company. Well, so does fatigue! I finally broke down last night and cried a bit. But my husband was there and comforted me and reassured me how much he appreciates and values me and everything I do for him/us. Nonetheless, I still feel fairly useless…

But, I know better than to become mired down in such negative feelings because not only do they not make the situation any better but also emotional stress leads to increased pain and fatigue, which I DEFINITELY do not want to happen. So, my husband and I have resolved to have a frank and proactive discussion about adjustments we can make to make weekdays easier for the both of us. And hopefully, my appointment with the rheumatologist, which should be set up soon, will give me some options for treating my fatigue.

I also have trouble with this particular symptom because when it’s this bad, I can barely get out of bed to manage my basic needs. The cycle of negative thoughts and self-image is perpetuated by this lack of self-care and further feeds the depression and fatigue and inactivity.

How can I fix this or help myself do better during these times? Well, I have noticed recently that sometimes when I’m fatigued but still attempt to do something I need to get done, I don’t feel much more tired afterwards as I always expect to. Part of what prevents me from getting out of bed is the fear that activity will only make me feel more tired and worsen my muscle aches and soreness. But in such instances as the one mentioned before, I know this not to be true, at least most of the time. So, I’m determined to train myself not to have that negative mentality and to make myself accomplish one good, useful thing a day. And when my “fatigue-self” protests, I can tell it that I have all the rest of the day, hours, to “recuperate” from the activity and so it shouldn’t complain!!

Plus, accomplishing one activity usually spurs an emotional boost, which can give one the motivation to get something else done. But as long as you only focus on one thing at a time, you aren’t overwhelmed and bogged down by the stress and pressure of all the myriad chores, errands, and activities that you need to do.

I think that the first step to overcoming fatigue that you can do on your own, is re-train your thinking and stop negative thoughts in their tracks. Give yourself credit for even the littlest things you have been able to accomplish and focus on one thing at a time. Doing this helps me to not feel so overwhelmed and I’ve just gotten away from it lately. Also, do things that help take your mind off of your inactivity–read an exciting book, watch an uplifting show or movie, do a hobby (like crocheting) that does not require the use of your entire body–and help keep you encouraged and positive. Prayer and spiritual reflection comfort and strengthen me while reading dramatic sci-fi novels, watching British mystery shows, and crocheting help to distract me. What successful steps have you taken to stem the effects of fatigue?

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3 thoughts on “Forced Hiatus

  1. Margene

    I am so sorry to hear that you are having a set back! You write so fluently that I think you should be starting that as a career. Also, you are on the right track about your feelings and solutions. It’s all baby steps. Hang on. Hope to see you soon.

    Like

  2. Shanda Payne-Jones

    Chronic fatigue is such an enemy! And your beautiful words really paint a vivid picture. Z, you’re doing a fab job of enduring and coping! Curtis and I are proud of you and thankful for your example. Keep it up!!!

    Like

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